Monday, December 2, 2013

The Strange Things You Do When You Live Alone

Coming home to an empty house today was as familiar as that faded old t-shirt you wear until it literally shreds off your body. Stepping into the silence was as calming as the ocean tide.

Who am I kidding? The first sentence was completely true, the second one not so much. Living alone is an adventure that everybody should go on. It can be the world's greatest and world's worst roller coaster ride in the world, sometimes all in the span of a few breaths.

As I prepared for bed last night I found myself thinking about some of the bizarre things that happen when you live alone. Then again some of these things happen when you live with other just can't blame other people when you live alone.

Like misplacing that purple Pyrex pan I make meatloaf in. Can't blame it on my housemates...unless maybe the mice have developed the skills necessary to make heavy glass dishes disappear. Maybe the pan went to the same place that some of my clothes have gone. You know what I'm talking about right? That eerie kingdom that houses misplaced socks and tarnished old memories.

What about the sounds that the house makes in the dark? Those sounds wake me from a dead sleep on a regular basis.

Or the fact that I have to sleep facing my bedroom if facing whatever monstrosity comes through my door is really gonna help me (NOT!)

How many people can claim they have an entire loveseat devoted to simply serving as fabric storage?

Or a patio table turned kitchen table that is covered by an ironing board, packages, and giant Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? That's a Half-pound cup right there. Talk about coma material. 

Or have a massive wooden quilting frame taking up most of the dining room area and blocking the bathroom? Because walking through the frame is now the easiest way to reach the second bathroom. 

Living alone is dangerous. And I don't mean in that some stranger is going to break down my door and murder me in my sleep kinda way. Trust me if something out of the ordinary were to happen my neighbors would swarm my house. Seriously. No, it's dangerous because you let your dishes pile up and wait to wash them until Saturdays because you can eat off of paper towels for a few days (since filling up and draining the sink is such a terribly taxing ordeal ya know). And when you misplace things you have only yourself to blame. And your list of favorite TV shows that you must watch every week becomes so long and such a fixture in your life that everybody who calls you knows when NOT to call you.

It's no wonder hermits and mountain men wear the cloak of oddity so well. Living alone is a dangerous ordeal. Especially when only doing the things you absolutely want to do becomes your sole goal in life because you don't have anybody else to care for.

I know what you are this gal is a complete disaster. She could rival any man in her slovenliness and is so darn lazy that she can't even wash her dishes regularly like a normal human being.

Hey. Living alone is a whole different ballgame. If you only have yourself to answer to and yourself doesn't care, then what's it matter?

I still cook. I still clean. I craft on a regular basis. I am a champion at getting school work, personal projects and projects for everybody and their brother done in a timely manner. So who cares if the dishes aren't done and I have to sleep facing the door?

I cannot wait to live with people again. Scratch that, I can't wait to have my pups back!

But seriously, let's be real. It's the end of the world as we know's the end of the world as we know it...and I feel fine. 

Bless my heart, I've cracked.

Happy Monday y'all!

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