Monday, February 2, 2015

Why I Slimmed Down on Social Media

For some, when things get tough, they speak out. T'hey fight back and make so much noise they can't help but be heard. I can't say that I am one of those people. I'm the person that is happy to hunker down at home and would survive fairly well if social media didn't exist. Google, on the other hand, is something I'm not sure I could survive without. 

I recently read a blog post titled Why Social Media is the Worst for Couples Having Trouble Getting Pregnant and it spoke to me. Not because I'm trying to get pregnant (that ship won't sail for a few years hopefully! We have enough obstacles to hurdle right now) but because it made me look at why I gave up blogging. And the answer is when things got tough, I buckled down and cut loose all the obligations I had placed on blogging. I began blogging because it was a way for me to organize my thoughts, and I quit blogging because I couldn't even begin to organize my thoughts. 
I was busy trying to find my place in my new world: a new state (one I have spent years making fun of), a new job (one that made me question everything I knew about myself and my values and what I was doing with my life...and one that has taken me about 8 months to feel comfortable in and not feel like jumping on the first train outta here), and a new family (finally married). 

Not to mention the fact that I've been working through some horrible emotions that all humans struggle with-jealousy, anger, bitterness, and any other dark dangers you can think of. I can't say that I have officially cured myself because there is no cure, but I feel like I've aged years in the last 8 months. And the only reason I can begin to talk about this is because a happy day is in sight. 

This all sounds very dramatic, like I've murdered someone and buried them out back and am now working my way back to the light. The truth is it's not that dramatic. It's been a ton of small things that have torn me apart-like the fact that I'm stuck with the boy's dog (that I really don't like) yet have been unable to have my babies for several years now, or the fact that the boy's family and I don't really get along and I don't handle it very well (ask the boy...he gets the brunt of the anger). 

Social media can bring out the worst in all of us. We are constantly bombarded by how everything seems to be going right for other people and if you are working through some issues of your own, it can be difficult to keep your cool. It can be difficult to reabsorb your jealousy and turn it into something positive. So I just stopped. That doesn't mean I stopped looking at Facebook or anything...I just stopped reading blog posts (unless they really caught my eye), stopped posting, ceased having a desire to interact. I wanted to crawl under a rock and lick my wounds. 

Well the wound-licking is over because things have really taken a turn for the better. I think the trials of the past months have just forced me to take a good look at myself and forced me to reinforce my Faith. 

"Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Work is better and best of all, we are days away from having our very own home. One we own that will allow us to finally move my family and babies to be with us. The biggest weight of all, the weight on my soul from missing my loves, is ready to be let go forever and I cannot wait for that joyous day! 

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.  

Some just fight theirs silently...and that is why I disappeared. 


  1. I also read that post!

    Thank you for writing this. A lot of my thoughts it appears were yours as well. When things got tricky for me I stopped blogging, too. Happy things are beginning to turn around for you. Life in a new state can be daunting - add in a marriage - girl, you're a super hero.


  2. I'd been wondering what happened to you...and how all your big life adjustments were going. I apologize for not taking the time to check up on you.
    So glad to hear that there is light at the end of the tunnel!
    Thoughts and prayers from the Valley.